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When I was having a late lunch with my mom earlier, I noticed three grandmothers chatting happily in the table beside ours. They looked like they were having a good time maybe reminiscing or talking about new happenings.

It got me thinking about the future. Once my mother reaches her 60s or 70s, will I be able to see her in these coffee shops sharing tea or coffee with her amigas? Will she also be brandishing her gold watch and shiny earrings as she takes a bite of that fettucini or a sip of that tea? Somehow I cannot imagine that. My mother seems solitary. An for myself too. When I get to that age, I do not think I will be doing that. I am as if not more solitary than my mother that I think I will just be locked up in my house and wait for the sunlight to reach it.

This is dramatic, I know.
04 March 2016 @ 07:22 pm
It's been somtime since I wrote in this blog. Though there were plenty of times when I wanted to write a ton to express myself, I was not able to open a page and just write freely. Funny how time has gone by. I feel that I'm a different person than the last entry but at the same time, the same person too. A lot has happened and little by little, I'm picking up the pace. I'm at another crossroad in my life and I wonder how long this will stretch. I have so many questions but I don't feel like I'm rushing with the answers. I guess I've learned much from the previous years. Answers do take time to be revealed.

With how my fingers just keep on tapping on the keyboard, I realzed that I really do miss writing. Hopefully, I'll be able to update this blog more regularly now. I've been meaning to write some fics again. I miss pondering over fanfics. I've been reading quite a lot of fics and I've gathered a lot of inspiration. I'm just not sure if that inspiration will translate to writing. I sincerely hope it does.
23 May 2013 @ 09:36 am
It's been a long time since I last wrote. I wonder how things are. I know that the present me is far different from the me who wrote the previous entry.

I'm in love. But along with it, the heartache its bound to have. I'm in love and yet I'm doubting myself. I'm not sure where to go from here. I know I want to work on this relationship. But things are always easier said and thought of. Actions are always on another level. I am not sure where to go from here but something will lead me to the right direction.

I'm in love. And they used to say I became beautiful. But right now, can they still say I am beautiful?
15 March 2012 @ 10:22 pm

Special A
Characters: Yamada, Shida, Nakajima, Ohgo, Kamiki, Chinen, Kawashima
Based on Special A and some things from Yukan Club. My first AU. Yay!
Even if it is based on the anime, only Shida and Yamada have great resemblance to Takishima and Hikari. The others, I played around with their characters.
I can't seem to come up with a more original title.

Mr # 2Collapse )

28 November 2011 @ 11:11 am
I have a bioethics one-page reflection essay due tomorrow. I've only written four sentences. Sentences that don't even tie up with each other. Am I going to be okay at this rate? I don't know. I'll probably end up rambling in that essay.
24 November 2011 @ 11:30 am
I planned on resigning on March next year. I told myself that I'll just finish the second semester so that I can pay for my tuition myself. After, I'll have to talk to my uncle about maybe recommending me to work in one of the public hospitals here.

And then last night, there was a broadcast at work that the site was looking for three trainers. 

My heart suddenly stopped. 

I thought to myself, I wanted to become one. It's sort of the closest to being a teacher now (to be a teacher has always been my dream, albeit my family's not much aware). If ever I apply as a trainer and eventually pass, my salary will increase, I get to teach and there would be less phone time.

That put a dent in my plans. What was I supposed to do now?

Earlier, I jokingly said to my TL that I wanted to become a trainer. She rounded to me seriously and said Really?!

One of my teammates seemed very happy and urged me to do it. It seemed like he really wanted me to do it. There is this one metric though that I have not passed since I started taking calls November of last year and that is the average interaction in each call. I'm actually very near the target now but then it still is not passing. I know I've had highest marks in the others at some time but that one thing is always a failure.

I told my teammate that one predicament. He looked at me unbelieving. That doesn't matter. What matters is the scorecard. You've never failed a month, right?

In the whole team, I'm the only one who has not failed a scorecard for the past year. The others, clearly better than me in my opinion, have been enrolled in a certain program because they failed their scorecards at one point or another. I don't know what to make of this.

I haven't talked to anyone about this yet. I want to talk to my mom and TL about this. I'm not sure who to approach first though. 

Life, what should I do?
20 November 2011 @ 02:11 pm

gen fic for Ikemen Desu Ne, although there is a slight Yaotome/Takimoto
premise happens after Takimoto cut her hair for the role
 "You look cuter as a guy."Collapse )

Lounge chairs
Tamamori Yuta/Kojima Haruna
Based on the Mio welcoming party scene in the first episode
 Her perfume wafted through the air and the boy suddenly felt like floating.Collapse )

Yaotome Hikaru/Takimoto Miori
Reference: the scene near the end of episode 4 where Takimoto is singing Alone
 Takimoto was crying too much as she finished singing the song.Collapse )

Yaotome Hikaru/Takimoto Miori
Prompt: That interview in which Hikaru stated that whenever Miori had sleeping scenes, she would accidentally fall asleep
Reference: Episode 5 bus scene; Mio is sleeping on Yuuki’s shoulder
You fell asleep, didn’t you?Collapse ) 
17 November 2011 @ 07:47 am
More or less, I think I probably understand how the members of JUMP feel when the company took down Ryutaro's picture in their web profile. It is hard losing a friend at work.

I only found out about the Ryutaro situation yesterday. When I read about it, I felt sad but it felt like a familiar situation. Last week also, Friday, I was told by my two closest friends at work that they would be transferred to a different line of business; effective Monday.

Just like that, we were not teammates anymore. That was the last time we spent lunch together at work - at 3:30 in the morning. I'm sad, obviously, but I'm not exactly sure what I feel. To a point, I feel numb, I want to not care. I also feel lost but then I'm also happy for them. They will have new experiences. For the next month, they'll only spend eight hours at work as opposed to my nine because they're in training. They can also start anew and forget the bit of a pinch they were in.

I don't know. This is probably for the better and we need to move on. I'm sure us fans are sad and hurt but the 10 of them are possibly suffering a hundred fold.

This is life though. It's not life if changes don't happen, if circumstances that we either like or dislike don't happen.

I was struck by what my team leader told me the other day as she checked up on me: "Remember your main goal when you were having your interview for this job. You wanted to get the job to work and earn money, not exactly make friends. Gaining friends is just a bonus, not part of your basic pay."

For actors, entertainers, idols, I highly think that would apply. They didn't exactly audition to make friends. They did it to be famous, to be a star, to make people aware of what they can do. Gaining friends is like getting the awards, a bonus.

I will still flail over Hey!Say!JUMP. I will still flail over Ryutaro. I still consider JUMP having 10 members. Although, I will accept the reality that from now, the company will recognize JUMP as a 9 member group.

That doesn't mean I love them less. On the contrary, I will strive to love them more.
04 November 2011 @ 10:14 pm
I've been meaning to finish the stories I have but I'm not sure how to end them. it'll probably take a couple of weeks before I have the drive or maybe inspiration to finish them and edit them and eventually post them.

I hate my current outlook in life.

I'm tired but I'm not sure of what.